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There are many rumors concerning the origins of the amazing Doc Livingston. Among the more prominent is that Doc was born in a quiet lagoon off Molikai and raised by itinerant Amish dolphins. This is said to account for his keen interest in the spiritual fringe at a very early age. His discovery at 7 that he possessed an allergy to salt water caused him to regretfully bid adieu to his only known father (who was nicknamed "Flipper" and later went on to star in his own TV series) and set out for dry land. After several adventures with rogue, rather colorfully dressed, pirates from the good ship "SS West LA," the ship finally docked at San Pedro, California. After a tearful goodbye to his many new friends he set out to discover who he really was and promptly found himself at the corner of Sunset and Vine. He quickly found that food and a place to stay cost something people called "money". He then fell in with a surly group of animators for Universal Studios and wound up selling his body to science fiction to make ends meet and pay for his hollandaise sauce habit. After regretful run-ins with local law enforcement, Doc determined that this was not the life for him and gathered up his worldly possessions (a frayed "Welcome to the Everglades" bathrobe, a lava lamp and a striped thermos) and set out for Tibet. There he met the austere and regal computer graphics guru "Alikazamawanda" known to his disciples as "Biff." For many years Biff tutored Doc in the mysteries of transcendental CRT Gazing. Finally the day came when Biff said to Doc, "I have taught you all I know so, it is time for you to open the `Great Book' and therein shall be revealed your true name and your future destiny!" Doc was nearly overcome with emotion as he entered the Holy Book Room and shakily opened the ancient artifact to page 606. He was astonished to see scrawled there (in what looked suspiciously like Biff's handwriting in ball-point pen) the words, "You're Doc Livingston you idiot, don't let the door hit your butt as you leave!" So, disillusioned once again (like many born in the age of McCarthy), Doc set forth once across our great nation, singing songs, starting unions and showing people how to place straw in their teeth and win at checkers. After years of similar adventures he found himself in Southern California once again rummaging around an old garage for combustibles to make a fire to cook his dinner. There under several discarded Milky Way wrappers he discovered an old book called, "How To Succeed In The Computer Graphics Industry By Trying Really, Really Hard!" and after years of study began to speak in words of more than two syllables. Some time later in Singapore he ran across a lady named Jasmine pushing a grocery cart, recycling breadcrumbs. After a brief discussion regarding a mutually agreed ban on nuclear weapons as a relationship problem solving tool, they decided to marry and . . . the rest is history. |